End of 2011... and my resolution

I have mixed emotions.... its been quite a trying year.

I wont lie: I thought for sure I would be pregnant by now... I knew full well it would take a few months; I assumed it would happen without thought just like with Landon. But it hasnt.... its going on six months now and Im really starting to feel the sting of defeat.

At the same time I know whenever we do get our positive, it will all be worth the wait and heartbreak. It will make us appreciate all those special moments of pregnancy. I will revel in the thrill of getting our positive test and the doctor visits.... all the pains, nausea, nights spent tossing and turning, feeling everything from the first few flutters to full blown kicking and rolling and hiccups... yeah, all of it will be savored and welcomed.

I also realize that God isnt trying to torment us... Hes just picking out the perfect angel to send down to us. I know He is taking His time matching our second angel to us. It will all happen in His time.... but man, am I anxious and impatient.

My resolution for 2012 is to work on being a more patient, less anxious me. A toast to the new year!!

A new beginning.. and a rant.

FINALLY my cycle started over.... after 66 miserable, incredibly long days, my period came. I am on cycle day 3 now. Awesome.

(Warning, Rant ahead!)
On an entirely different note, have you ever just wanted to take your husband, your child(ren) and yourself and run FAR, FAR away from everybody and everything? I am tired of people judging my life. It is completely ridiculous for me to want people in my life to be happy for us? Get your nose out of my business. I'm sorry if you get pulled in but it's just as easy for you to take a step back and stay out of whatever "bad" is happening in my life. Whatever is wrong, my HUSBAND and I will figure a way out of it TOGETHER and we do not need anybody in the peanut gallery to stand by and comment. Don't judge.... don't be bitter.... you are either happy for us or you can go fly a kite. Think we are making mistakes? We are human... chances are we ARE making mistakes here and there.. but we will figure it out. Butt out and please leave my life.

Ok, I'm done. Just needed to be said. This was meant for more than one certain person or group of people. If you are wondering if it COULD be you, only you can know for sure. I don't want to be some over-dramatic ghetto-fied person, but seriously.... leave your negativity out of my life. I don't need it, my husband doesn't need it, and my son CERTAINLY doesn't need it. Thanks.

Full month without the witch

While it is nice and saves me $$ on tampons, I am quite irked by the absence of my dear aunt flo. She should have been here early this month and failed to make an appearance. It is Wednesday, November 30th at 10:20pm. I have not had a period since the 8th of October. I've had several false positives, but none that turned out real.

However, there IS hope for me! Saturday I got a positive ovulation test (FINALLY!!!) and I believe I have ovulated! No actual confirmation of this of course, but I am so confident this time. (TMI ALERT!) My boobs always get sore after I ovulate and increase in soreness up until my period starts... and they haven't been sore at ALL this cycle until Sunday evening when they started and have gotten progressively worse. So I am taking this as a good sign =)

The only thing that throws a wrench in my theory is that I have gotten negative ovulation tests Sunday, Monday AND Tuesday. Today, however, I have got nothing but positives again. Of course, if I did in fact have PCOS like I expect (see my previous post) this would completely explain having multiple LH surges with only one ovulation in my cycle.

Any way you choose to look at it, I am thrilled out of my mind because A) this cycle is OFFICALLY coming to an end, one way or another and B) I will have my answer soon... pregnant or not pregnant?? That is the question! (Although I am 99% certain this "cycle" will turn out to be negative.)

Stay tuned to find out! =)

Quickie!

Ha ha.... funny word...

Anyway, just wanted to update everyone quickly: no period yet. I had a couple more false positives on my internet cheapies, and even though I had one on a walmart cheapie test... but nope, silly me... I should have known better. Cycle day 47 today..... No more signs of the Witch coming either. Just a slighly achy ovary.

I've taken some OPK's and they've all stayed the same intensity... almost positive, but not quite. So I did some research... several things popped up but only one that fit about EVERYTHING I'm going through: PCOS. Poly-cystic ovarian syndrome. Lovely.

Not confirmed by any means, but it's a definite possibility. I will need to be seeing my Dr. soon....

If you don't know what it is, google it sometime. Google pictures of normal ovaries and a pic of a poly-cystic ovary. It's depressing.... Anyway, I'm done writing for the night. Goodnight everyone.

&$%#@!

Update from yesterday.....(warning... this might be a bit TMI but I don't care right now..)

Pee'd in a cup this morning.

Pulled out my internet cheapie, my cheapie walmart test, and a First Response test.

Got them all soaked with urine.

Waited. Waited. Waited. Watched a lil bit. Waited more.

Nothing. Absolutely F%&$ing NOTHING.

I've just been punk'd by a crappy interenet cheapie pregnancy test.

I am heartbroken. I wanted to throw my pee cup against the wall and stomp like a toddler. I wanted to cry and call off from work today. I wanted to curl into a ball and have a pity party, ignore the world for the day. I don't know what I was expecting... I have cramps that could kill, and I am just as emotional as can be right before I start my period. I KNEW better than to trust that stupid test... I KNEW better than to get my hopes up like this. I couldn't help myself. It's not our month.... definitely not our month.

I'm ready for next cycle now please...

Well, well, well...

....it is now OFFICIALLY Nov 11... 11.11.11 HAH! =) Anyway, when I got home from work tonight (well, last night now technically lol!) I took a walmart cheapie test (88 cent ones that are purple) and almost immediately.... I saw a line. Two lines. Then the second line faded to an almost invisible shadow. Hmmm...

Here's some more back story: I recalculated my ovulation date (I was curious because my Nov 7 period didn't happen and was still getting BFN's)... I actually seemed to have ovulated either Oct 30 or 31st! Sooo, that would put me at either 10-11dpo!!

Anyway, after being skeptical for a few seconds, I snapped pics of this cheapie test, looked at different angles... then  I dipped my cheapie from the internet.... I put it on my bedside table for the 5 mins I had to wait and didn't look at all (I fully expected it to be negative too) and surfed the interwebs... when I picked it up I almost gasped. In the dim light of my computer screen, I EASILY saw a second line.... plain as day. I got up quietly and retreated to the restroom with my test... closed the door, turned on the light.... second line. Right in front of me. Is this real??

It's very very very faint in the picture, but it dried MUCH darker. And pink.... 100% pink! I'm in shock. I've been having such awful cramping the last few days (and right now as I type this) and I CANNOT BELIEVE I just saw TWO PINK LINES. Holy crap!!


I'm a bit skeptical still... these pink handled pregnancy tests are a part of a bad batch that have been giving my online forum girls false positives... I won't tell anybody (except a couple girls that I know and personally share daily TTC info with) until I get an ACTUAL POSITIVE on a First Response test....

Did I mention I cannot WAIT for 7am to roll around so I can obsessively test more??? Oh my gosh guys!! I cannot believe it... did we really do it???

To be continued.... =D

N.E.G.A.T.I.V.E.

Another cycle, another big fat negative.*insert sigh here* Oh well. Aunt flow comes in two days. On to next cycle...

8 days till my birfday

...I *think* I am 8dpo right now (possibly as low as 6 though) and so far I have had cramping already and lots of BFNs. Im not hopeful for this cycle. A BFP for my birthday seemed like a wonderful present... Im still early though. Theres still hope. Maybe the cramping was implantation... Hah. We will see. If not, then I will be crampy and miserable on my birthday... Oh joy.

Ovulation!

Today is ovulation day! Although part of me thinks it might have been yesterday.... my temps started going back up this morning but we will know for sure tomorrow morning when I temp again! Glad we are in the two week wait again though! As much as it sucks to wait and wait and wait, at least in the TWW I can start testing early and possibly get something positive =)

I got my batch of 50 pregnancy test strips from the internet today.. I bought a different brand though from Amazon. Unfortunately, there is a bad lot# and exp date batch floating around... I checked mine and they are ALL from the same batch! So sad... they are giving people LOTS of believable false positives... you really can't complain too much since they are cheapies and aren't really meant for super early testing... but it's still sad to me. Here's hoping any potential positive I may get this cycle is REAL this time.

But again, I'm not holding my breath.

I've been thinking quite a bit

....and is it really so much to ask to have a baby?

My old general manager of my store had struggled with infertility for about ten years (thats what I'm told). She and her hubby were finally blessed with a little girl this year in July. I met her once or twice, saw dozens of pictures, heard all the birth stories....

Last week, her daughter died from SIDS.

I cant even begin to feel and know the pain Nicole and Travis have felt... All of that hard work and persistence to get pregnant and maintain the pregnancy to full-term, have a gorgeous, HEALTHY baby girl, love her completely and fully for nearly four months, and then lose her so quickly and tragically and not have anybody or anything to at least put blame on except fate... it's heart-wrenching and horrible to have to live through something so awful.

Is it really so wrong to want to have a family? To have a baby?? I can't even comprehend what they must be feeling... I would say it's worse than a miscarriage because you FINALLY got the miracle you were hoping for and bonded... felt like a normal, happy family... then to have it snatched out from under your hands so quickly and effortlessly seems like such a horrible trick. I know there's no point in blaming God for it... even when things are at their lowest, He is still good.

But you still have to stop and wonder sometimes about the WHY it happened... it's pointless in the end, but I let my brain get the better of me sometimes and I hope I'm forgiven for it.

Now, I haven't had a miscarriage or been diagnosed with some awful, life-altering news AT ALL... but really, I just wonder sometimes... WHY is it so hard for some people to accomplish having a baby? It's supposed to be a (mostly) simple part of life that changes things forever but in the most blessed of ways... I don't know. It's got me quite depressed.

Four months and four cycles later we are still unprotected and praying for a miracle. I trust in Him to know what is best for our family and when the right time will be to add another little one into our lives. I am only human though with desires so intense it's painful sometimes. I WANT another baby... I don't care if it's a boy or girl. I want another beautiful, intelligent, loving, amazing little person to call my own. I want to expand my family and make my husband beam from ear to ear when I tell him the news. I want my son to have at least one sibling and hopefully have the kind of bond my siblings and I share...

It will happen when it's meant to happen. And quite frankly, I shouldn't be complaining because I KNOW there are a billions of people in the world that will never have a single child of their own in their lifetimes, and I have already been blessed with one incredible little boy. But days like today, I just ache from the inside, out... wanting another child to love and cherish.

One more time... is it really so much to ask?

RIP sweet angel baby girl... I know you are in a better place, but I pray your parents find some kind of peace with it someday.

Not ovulated yet

So no ovulation surge detected yet, but I'm getting closer =) I just need to keep my head up!!

On another note, I order another batch of pregnancy test strips!! I'm sooooooo excited!! I always feel so accomplished and happy and some kind of rush whenever I order more testing strips. It's an awesome feeling =D

We also decided if we get our BFP before Christmas, we know how we will be telling our mothers =) We will get each of them a piece of jewelry (not sure what yet exactly) with Landon's birthstone and the new baby's birthstone with the note saying "See you in July/August, Grandma!" I thought it would be cute =)

Anyway, I have nothing else to report so I will be updating you another day!

Earlier each and every cycle

So even though we are on a NTNP TTC break (not trying, not preventing trying to conceive), I've been watching my cycles closely every month and have noticed that they have gotten progressively shorter and shorter. I stocked up on some dollar tree ovulation tests last night, and have taken a couple since then... and if I had to guess, it looks like I am gearing up to ovulate in the 1-3 days! Holy crud!! (I still want to keep track of my cycles for whenever we decide to come off of our break.)

This would be the earliest I have ever ovulated since I started keeping track of my cycles. I'm only CD11... I almost feel like an average woman again!! It's quite a wonderful feeling =) We have been *AHEM* "enjoying" our little TTC break the last few days and I had little to no intentions of baby-dancing near my ovulation... well, I never assumed I would ovulate this early!! Sooooo the month we said "Mehhh, maybe we shouldn't care so much about conceiving right away... let's relax"...... and accidentally we've baby-danced in my fertile period. HAH go figure! =)

Of course, if we did get our BFP this month, neither of us would be opposed.  <3 A July baby would be a great addition to our little family!

But I won't get myself too excited and anxious.

New Strategy

(Well, not really a strategy... but hopefully it will help out!)

I decided since it's SOOOOO beautiful out now that I would start taking walks with Landon/by myself every single day. So far this week, I have gone out every single day with Landon for at least 45 minutes or more for a walk. It feels SOOOO good to get some exercise and as sad as it sounds, I'm so out of shape that I feel it. I'm glad I do... I want to loose some weight and at least get more energy back, eat healthier, and be outside with my little monster =)

I know most doctors say that exercising mildly, eating healthy, and keeping your health in check is a great way to boost your chances of conceiving. While Alex and I are on a little break (not trying, not preventing) I figured this will be something I can do for the cause that will keep me occupied until we decide we are ready to TRY again. So far I am feeling GREAT! Obviously I don't think I will be losing any kind of significant amount of weight, but I do feel better already.

I will continue to go for walks every day until it starts getting bitterly cold out... even then, I am going to try my best to go out by myself for a quick power walk or something... here's hoping this helps!! Even if it doesn't help us have another baby, I will still feel better everyday and continue to gain energy and feel great about myself! =)

Bizzarre Dream

It was so surreal. That's the best way to describe it... I don't believe in ANY way that dreams predict the future, but I do think they mean something when they leave you with a feeling this strong. Who knows what it really means, but I feel like I need to figure it out...

The whole dream could have been 100% real... except that I don't think 10 years from now we will be living on the beach, nor do I think we will be able to fly like DragonBall Z characters (LOL!!).

But in any case, it WAS ten years into the future and we lived in a beach house LITERALLY a block away from a vacant, private beach. Alex and I were in our house, working on some kind of model for whatever kind of work we did (this part was a bit hazy). However, we had three kids. Three beautiful kids: Landon, who was now 13/14-years-old, an 8/9-year-old girl named Lyla (I remember this clearly), and a 3-year-old little boy (whom I believe was named Hayden or something of the sort... his name was another fuzzy part.) Lyla had convinced Landon and Hayden to go out and try body surfing by themselves in the ocean. Alex and I had strict instructions for the kids: They were NOT to go swimming by themselves, at least without telling us about it first... I guess the waves on our private beach were much stronger than any other beach, although it looked like any other typical beach so I'm not sure why this would be true. Again, dreams are silly sometimes...

So somehow Lyla outsmarted Landon into thinking it was okay for the boys to do as I stated above, so off they went. As soon as Landon and his little brother were submerged in the ocean a good 6-7 feet from the shore, Lyla came running to Alex and I to tattle on her brothers. After the boys told us what had happened and how Lyla tricked them, I remember thinking to myself, "Wow, my daughter is such a clever, intelligent little asshole." Ahahahahahaha! Of course I would never think of my children as assholes... what a terrible parent I would be!

There was a million other things that happened in the dream, and a lot more detail that I don't care to get into... but what really stuck with me was the fact that we had three beautiful, amazing children about the ages apart that we'd wanted, and that my daughter's name needs to be Lyla. I woke up all but aching to hold her... I don't know if we will ever have a daughter. I have a feeling we won't... but if we do, Alex and I already decided that "Lyla" was a beautiful name and that will be her name. Lyla Adelle. I still like the name Evelynn Elise, but I have a couple friends who named their girls Evelyn, and a couple friends who have daughters middle/first names Elise.... I just don't feel like it fits anymore. Alex does not, however, like the name Hayden. I used to babysit a boy named Hayden when I was younger, and I completely agree that we will never have a son with this name. We aren't even sure if we will have three kids or not.. I would love three, but it all depends on our financial state down the road.

But I do know that if we are to have a daughter next, her name will be Lyla Adelle. It's so beautiful and sounds powerful to me. Alex is fond of the name, though I don't think it struck him quite the way it did me. It almost sounds too simple, but I don't know that I've met anybody with the name Lyla or Lila. It just feels right!

So confusing and a bit of heartache

I found out tonight that one of my co-workers is pregnant. She is already 8ish weeks along and she came out tonight on FB. She is happy and excited as it will be her first baby.

Her boyfriend also just got put in jail because he beat the crap out of her. She had to get stitches on her forehead because of it. She still seems to think that it will all work out between them and they will have their happy little family. I strongly believe that people are capable of change, but I do NOT believe that a baby will make things better in a bad situation. Why do people get with and stay with people who hit them?? It will never make sense to me!

Alex and I get angry at each other, say things we don't mean, and have arguments over silly/serious things... but we would NEVER physically hurt each other. Ever. Period. One of us always apologizes to the other if things get said that we can't take back.... we love each other unconditionally, like a married and loving couple should. We forgive each other and see the flaws in one another. We work out our problems and come to a conclusion together. Sometimes our arguments linger for a few days, week, months... etc.... some things feel like they will never fully heal. But when it comes right down to it, I love him. He loves me. We are only human and we both make mistakes, big and small. He is perfectly imperfect to me. He told me he couldn't dream of ever being with somebody more faithful and loving.

No matter how it might look to others, we love each other. We would never physically hurt each other. End of story.

There are so many people who cannot have a baby who are in such loving, faithful, and amazing relationships. It's not my job to question God's plan that He has for each individual person, but sometimes I let my mind get the better of me and wonder why He gives healthy babies to people who are so unstable emotionally in themselves, their partners, and their lives... what a terrible life to raise a child in.

And to top it all off, I feel the pang of jealousy... a stab to my heart.

I hate it.

We are trying to conceive another child... we want another beautiful blessing from God. I know it is just a matter of time before it happens... but it almost knocked the wind out of me to see this girls ultrasound picture on her wall and her "excitement".

We want this second baby so badly. What I DON'T want is this jealousy and anger to linger until I get our positive pregnancy test... I feel like a terrible person tonight.

Weeeelp, on to the next cycle...

So my period started on the 8th again... it was a 30 day cycle. It's interesting that my cycles have been getting shorter and shorter the more I pay attention to them. At least I know I'm not stressing and causing them to be late. However, I am also wondering why I only had a 12-day luteal phase last cycle... Not that any of it really matters. I'm still ovulating and having normal periods, so my body is 100% functional. We just need to keep trying until we catch that little eggie.

If we don't catch it this month, I have a friend who is getting inseminated come mid November.. (my next aunt flow is due on my birthday... so it will either be a GREAT birthday or a miserable one, LOL!) So we will get to obsess together! It will be much more exciting to have somebody else's pee sticks to look at other than mine =) Hopefully we can get our good news together! She is being inseminated in hopes of being a surrogate for this wonderful couple she has told me about! She did it successfully once before and gave this wonderful couple TWINS (A boy and a girl). She just had three other attempts with a second couple, but sadly that didn't work out... so now, on to her third couple, we both have our fingers crossed that she gives them their dream baby!

I'm hoping my cycles continue to get shorter and shorter until they are down to a normal 28 days... or I will take any other length really (25-30 days preferably... lol). Here's hoping we get our BFP soon!!

The testing continues!

After getting discouraged last night, on a whim I took another test... Without a doubt, it was positive! Very thick pink line (crazy faint, but darker than its ever been!) It was exciting and relieving. It didnt photograph well, but I could see it easily see it in person. I used my last First Response today first thing in the morning and for the FIRST TIME I saw an actually pink line on it, No ifs, ands or buts! It was awesome! I can hardly wait to see it continue to grow darker (hopefully in another day or two) so I can FINALLY tell Alex!!

Getting emotions toyed with this cycle

I had a good 3 internet cheapie tests in a row that were positive... faint, but completely positive! I tried taking First Response's and I don't think I saw anything on any of them... So I'm starting to believe I got a bad batch of tests. The line should have been getting darker by now, and no such luck. Today my internet cheapie test was completely negative. What a downing way to start my day...

This is the test I took two days ago that came out SOOOO positive! It's kind of hard to see... it's the light pink line between the two dots (I edited the picture)... but light or not, a line is a line when it comes to being knocked up!

These were my tests from today.... you can see how incredibly NEGATIVE it is! So disheartening....

I've tested almost ten times in the past 3 days, and I am so tired of being disappointed when it comes to any kind of "progression"... So I have made the conscious decision to STOP testing until I am officially due for my period. I still have absolutely no signs of the monthly witch making her appearance.. My right ovary has a cyst on it and has been aching a good deal the last few days though. I don't know if that would be a sign of her coming... either way, I am almost CERTAIN I will get a positive this cycle. If I do, it's probably because I misjudged my ovulation and am not as far past as I thought I was, or the baby could have implanted later than originally thought too. Either way, I will not give up hope until the witch rears her ugly head.

On another cool note, I printed two coupons for $2 off First Response pregnancy tests at Target, and I had  $2 manufacturer coupons too! So I picked up a couple of boxes!! They were $7.99 for a box of three... after coupons, my total was only $3.99/box! I got two boxes, so 6 tests for $8!! Not bad at all.... it's amazing, in fact! So that's one thing to celebrate!

I caved... Im sooo weak!

Soooo I caved in today and tested this morning. Right away it was negative. I am only 7dpo. People tend to get their BFP's at 9-10dpo though. I decided to let it dry and check at the ten minute mark... And wouldn't you know it?? ITS 100% POSITIVE!!! Oh my gosh I am ecstatic!! I didn't have to squint or change the lighting... It was ultra faint, but 100% there!! Unfortunately, Landon got a hold of it and smudged the test with his chocolatey fingers hahaha... But I will retest when I get a good hold going and take pics/post them. I'm still shaking, but I'm overjoyed!!

day #6 of my two week wait!

I'm not really sure why I keep referring to it as a two week wait... I know it's the norm for TTC addicts and lingo and such, but realistically most people who research and are so intent on becoming pregnant do not wait the full 13-14 days past ovulation, LOL!

Anyway, nothing as far as "symptoms" to clue me in on whether or not we caught the egg this month. It's an over-share I know, but I've felt a bit gassy the last few days and today I have been crazy emotional today. Both of these things aren't really anything out of the norm for me while I am waiting for aunt flow.

I am being cautiously optimistic again though! I've had 0 cramping thus far! Usually it begins around 3-5dpo for me and is mild but noticeable.... and nothing so far!! Hoping that's a good sign! I almost had myself believing I would test in the morning tomorrow, but there's no way I would get a positive THAT early. Why waste the test? I will wait until Tuesday morning (I think) to start my crazy testing. It will be CD27, 8dpo which is when people tend to get their earliest BFP's.

Praying and praying... Oh and my brother is flying in to live with us tomorrow! I put a bunkbed together tonight and moved Landon's VERY heavy twin bed by myself... So if I DO get a positive this month, I will feel very guilty for putting that strain on my little bean =(

To believe or not to believe...

I'm not too sure.

Yesterday I woke up with this uncontrollable feeling that we will be getting our positive test this cycle. Ive been pretty busy, consuming my mind and efforts on serious house work and prepping for my brother to come live with us in a few days.... During those times its very easy for me to not spend every waking minute wondering and putting too much thought into this two week wait. However, when Im at work, sitting at my desk alone for hours and hours, I am flooded with thought.

Sitting here today in all my thought has me second-guessing my "good feeling" I had for this cycle. I know I shouldnt be negative or depressed, because there are really amazing people in this world who struggle for years, decades, and even a lifetime with infertility.I know I can get pregnant and have a healthy pregnancy. I am capable of bringing life into this world. But somehow I am just down today...

I am 5dpo (approx) so another few days until I could potentially start testing.
Heres hoping it amounts to something...

"O" Wow!!... literally

Today I am cycle day 22.

On Sept 25, I took the last OPK I had in my posession (although I ordered more the 22nd of Sept)... The test was negative (of course, since it was only cycle day 18). However, it was dark enough to make me think my Ovulation was right around the corner. I was under the impression my tests would come in Monday the 26, but instead they didnt arrive until yesterday (wed Sept 28th, cd22).

I took one immediately upon receipt (around 1:20pm) and it wasn't as dark as cycle day 18, but pretty close. The only time the second line on my OPK's gets dark is when I'm right about to O, or right after I have. I thought perhaps I was still waiting to ovulate so I decided to take another that night (6:45 I think). There was no denying this one... Significantly lighter line. I continued to test between late last night and later this afternoon... ALL four of them were 100% negative; hardly a second line to be seen. So after thinking it through some, comparing the tests I took this cycle to last cycles tests, and asking a few others their opinions, I have come to this conclusion: I O'd either CD19 or CD20.

Here is my log I've kept this cycle... I've taken more than this, but these are the ones I kept in my log since they seemed to be the only ones that really mattered when figuring out my ovulation peak:

Pretty early for me, but I was relieved to realize that a few days of my new two week wait had already come and gone without me knowing fully! We baby danced a sufficient amount before/during my ovulation... So if there's a little eggie to catch, we should have a good chance.

Its odd to say, but I was hoping for a BFN this cycle... We have my brother moving in with us soon, Xmas and Landon's b-day are just around the corner, and I'm starting to rethink our money situation.. I think Alex is nervous too but is afraid to hurt my feelings and ask if we can stop TTC for a few months. If we do not get a positive this cycle, I think we will put our TTC journey on hold for a bit... At least until life gets sorted out more. I have this feeling in my gut (again) that we didn't catch it this time around...

I will begin testing around Oct 4th-ish. Not 100% sure when I will finally cave and start testing though to be honest... sometime next week. I have 7 preggo lab strips to use, my last First Response, and my last Clear Blue Digital test.

(This is all I ordered this cycle... I still have my 2 strips for preggo tests from last cycle, and then my two store-bought ones mentioned above. This cycle, I saw they offered more sensitive pregnancy test strips on the website for about the same as the traditional ones, so I bought those bad boys instead!)

Fingers crossed, but I will not hold my breath that it's this cycle. Stay tuned and find out!

I almost feel cheated

I have a 36 day cycle. The average woman has a 28 day cycle. Its not a bad thing, especially since my cycles are typically like clockwork. I usually ovulate on cycle day 22-24. There are some women who have these ridiculous 20-25 day cycles though. So that means by the time they have finished their full cycle and moved on to their next, Im still stuck waiting to just ovulate. Finally, when aunt flow arrives, they are already stuck in their two week wait, waiting for a positive pregnancy test or aunt flow for their NEXT cycle. Its just kind of depressing and theres nothing I can do to "control" it. I can only just not stress out in hopes of not delaying my monthly gift. I know I shouldnt let it get to me too much... Im just in a mood today. I should count my blessings: at least I am regular, even if I take a bit longer. At least I actually ovulate right on track. At least I already have a wonderful, brilliant little boy of my own. He makes it all bearable for many reasons.... First, is that I know I akm fully capable of having a baby. There are many people who cant get pregnant, or carry a baby to a term where the baby would survive... I have experienced all of the wonderful ups and downs that go along with a healthy pregnancy up until having an almost-4-year-old. I am blessed, 100%. But I still cant help feeling selfish and wanting more babies...

I am very blessed =)

I've been on several different trying to conceive/motherhood forums recently and have read many interesting things... Landon has been giving us a hard time when it comes to going to sleep at night recently, so I thought I would read around and post a couple questions just to see what I could find. Naturally, everything people had to say was all stuff we have done/tried with Landon. It's gotten better... he's just somehow obtaining more and more energy every single day that we need to figure out how to burn off before bedtime... Which is completely fine and is exactly what a healthy 3-almost-4 year-old should have happen =)

I did, however, run across a random post of somebody about how she has a stepson and she and her husband get him every other weekend. This boy was having problems in school with his behavior (hes in the first grade, mind you) and I guess the mother of this child is not keen on discipline. She wrote and said that she and her hubby (the child's father) are expecting their first child together in December. While at babies r us the other day, the lady asked the boy an opinion on an outfit she was going to get for his soon-to-be sister, and his response was "How does she like this?" and punched her in the stomach! The father of this boy tried to convince his wife that he didn't know what he was doing.... umm, whatever.

Anyway, it got me thinking about how incredibly blessed I am to have had such a wonderful, nurturing, and overall compassionate upbringing and it's reflected again in my part of the new generation I created. Landon is such a loving child... a little rambunctious at times, but he cares deeply about others, knows the difference between right and wrong, and is a wonderfully well-behaved little boy for his age. Again, he has his off days, as does every imperfect human being... but he is such a wonderful person and I couldn't be more proud to be his mother. I am proud to know I have given him such a solid, steady foundation for his life emotionally. He knows he's loved 100% and beyond; he knows that you need to treat others the way you want to be treated.

There isn't much I can do about other kids' upbringings, but my heart does bleed for those families who cannot stand one another and have nothing in their hearts but anguish and pain because that is all they know. It's a vicious circle that they will likely never break free from... but my kids, my kids kids and so on will all know what it is to be loved unconditionally, to have compassion, to know the goodness of giving over receiving... I am so lucky to have had the childhood I did, the parents and family I did, the morals I did... I am incredibly blessed and could not ask for a better life <3

Ohh poo...

My monthly gift came yesterday... luckily though it wasn't crazy late or holding out on me like it has so many times before. Kind of a blessing to have it come the day it was meant to really!

I thought I had gotten a positive test for sure (faint, but positive)... obviously it was negative and my eyes were playing tricks on me. I was a bit bummed out, honestly... but it's ok! The majority of people do not conceive on their first official cycle =) I am keeping my chin up and looking forward to this cycle!! Today is CD2, and I'm expected to ovulate in 3 weeks. I will not be doing the absurd testing rounds again this cycle... mostly because I don't want to waste the money. I have 5 preggo tests left (3 IC's, 1 FRER and 1 CB Digi) so at least when the time comes to try testing again I will have enough to get me by.

I am on vacation until the 12th of this month and have been enjoying my friends and family. It's sooooo nice to get away and come back to where I grew up and see everybody... Things have changed so much, but it's still nice to be home! I miss Alex though and I know Landon misses Alex... Can't wait to see him in a few days!!

I will update in a little while I suppose.. if I feel the need to write anything lol!

8dpo and I think I see a disturbance!!

I am 8dpo and yes... *siiiigh*.... I ended up testing yesterday and today. Yesterdays test yielded absolutely nothing. But todays test showed a little *something* on it. As it dried, it got a bit darker. I think Im just having some serious line-o-vision though... Who knows.

The only thing giving me hope is a girl on my forum yesterday was 8dpo and posted almost identical pee sticks..and today at 9dpo she got her BFP!!! I can only pray we will be just as lucky!

Still not saying anything to anyone (Alex included) until I get a positive on my First Response brand tests, or my digital test that says "pregnant" or "not pregnant".

Here is the girls pee sticks from my forum at 8dpo:

Here's my 8dpo pee stick:

Here is the same girl's pee sticks from 9dpo:

There is absolutely NO denying the First Response one, definitely!! I have my fingers crossed that I get a first response just like this one (if not darker!!) in the next few days!! *praying praying praying*....

Five dpo (days past ovulation)

Five days down, 9 to go until my prejected period starts. Usually, its recommended to test the day your period is due ( the hormone pregnancy tests pick up on is typically at a high enough rate that there is no question of whether or not you are preggo, and to save money on pee sticks.) However, some of the more sensitive sticks can detect the HCG hormone sooner than others.

That being said, I was planning on waiting until 10dpo(four days before my period) to start testing and pray I see something. Its not completely unheard of to start testing at 7-9dpo either. It is just severly unlikely you will get a positive. Why waste the money, right?

Anyway, I decided to wait until 10dpo... So really, I am halfway to my potential BFP!! Heres hoping... To be honest, I am not too hopeful for this month but I pray I will be surprised.

Soooo.... 5dpo "symptoms".... Really not much to talk about. I had very brief, very mild cramping at 3dpo, and again yesterday. I was exhausted all yesterday. Today I really dont feel anything out of the norm for me. I never felt any symptoms with Landon until around 8-9 weeks. So maybe me not feeling anything is a good thing! I have no idea when I ovulated or when my period was actually due with my son, but I know I was late and noticed slight cramping and extreme fatigue once or twice.

I really should stop over-analyzing and just relax. Stressing wont help anything. I am trying my best to just ignore everything to do with trying to conceive and instead become engrossed in packing/planning my trip back home to visit friends and family.

....Sunday morning cannot possibly get here soon enough =( *siiiiigh*....

A funny, awkward moment today....

My DH was at the store when I got home from work today, and my MIL had Landon at her house. I told her to walk Landon home whenever he was done visiting and wanted to come home.

About 20 minutes of peace at home, and then I hear my door open and Landon shouting up the stairs at me "Mommy!! I is HOOOOOOME!!"

So I come down the stairs to say hi to MIL and welcome Landon home... and she looks at me and says, "I know your secret."

...Do you now? I was completely confused... I didn't know I had a secret, LOL!

Turns out Landon told her all about how mommy has a baby belly, and it's a baby brother belly.... WHAAAAT?? I laughed and felt embarrassed because nobody is supposed to know we are trying. I was able to tell her (without lying) that I do NOT have a "baby belly", let alone a "baby brother belly".

I don't think she believes me =P

It did make me realize that I will have to be careful and figure out when I will tell family and friends... it wont be as easy as I thought. I have a little monkey man trying to spoil surprises >=) Hahahaha, how I love that little boy...

The big "O"!!!

No, I am not meaning "O" as in "orgasm"... bahahahahaha. I am meaning ovulation!!! It's finally here!! Got almost-positive tests all yesterday, and this morning it was super faint so I thought for sure my almost-positives were positives... I took a test with me to work just to be sure my LH surge had come and gone... low and behold it turned out to be a BLAZING positive test!! I am ovulating today!! I took another test around 6pm tonight when I got home from work and it is not as intense at my afternoon OPT, but it's definitely still positive!!

This marks my journey into the TWW (two week wait!!). I will be visiting family and friends Sept 4-12, so more than likely I will be POAS (peeing on a stick) several times while I am there, praying for my BFP(big fat positive)!

Praying we got this lil eggie this month!! I know it's likely doubtful we did... it usually takes several cycles. I calculated my ovulation time for last month and we POTENTIALLY could have been pregnant last month.. but obviously that didnt work out.
This is our second cycle and even though the chances of conceiving any month are around 20%, my hopes are high. Honestly, in my heart, I just *know* this is probably not our month... but only time will tell!

From top to bottom: (Monday's Test, Tuesday's Test, Wednesday's Test)

Top to bottom: (Preggo test because I have never done one like this and I was curious, Tuesday's test, Wednesday Morning test and wednesday Night test)

Finally, today's BLAZING BFP!! Same test, two different distances from the camera.. lol. I'm obsessed! So sorry!!

It's absolutely beautiful and heartwarming to me to see those wonderful two lines burning brightly... gives me a small peace of mind. My heart is full of happiness and I am absolutely content. I felt like I was never going to get my positive ovulation tests, and here I am; able to pee on any one of my tests and get a beautiful positive result. Thank you God for this wonderful day =)

let the madness begin!

Today marks the first day of my ovulation pee stick madness!! Im very excited to be taking at least one OPT every day until it finally turns positive!

Then, sadly, I will be in a two week wait again... But at least I can start those a few days earlier if I want to subject myself to the torture *laughter ensuing*....

I learned that talking to the few friends I confide in and blogging a out this stuff is not doing what I had hoped it would... I have gotten less than enthusiastic responses from friends that I have told (some because its boring to them, and some have mixed feelings due to their own desire to have a baby... Which I completely understand and would never hold it against them.) As far as blogging goes, its like Im talking to myself.... Which doesnt help like I had hoped. Eventually I will get people to read my blog and get feedback... But for now, its not working. So, I went looking for alternatives to the above... And joined a TTC forum called twoweekwait.com ... Its wonderful!! Honest, caring people with a ton of knowledge on almost every aspect of baby making... Its helped time go faster obsessing over other peoples TTC monthly journeys, and sharing my own... Its wonderful. It makes me feel like im not crazy for obsessing and dreaming and wishing...

Anyway, Im done for today. I will blog when I finally get my positive ovulation test!!

waiting, waiting, playing the waaaaaiting game

This has been such a long few weeks! The more I learn about cycles, problems, and everything else to do with TTC... It makes me wish I could UNlearn all this crud. I got knocked up so easily before without meaning to, WHILE ON BIRTH CONTROL. I am trying not to think bout it all and relax, but its really hard to not obsess.... REALLY HARD.

Ive sporatically taken 3 of my ovulation tests simply to give me something to do. The 18th I will start testing with the OPKs every other day until my test line gets darker... Then I will take them every day until a few days after I get my positive test. Then starts another round of the wait game. At least after I confirm my ovulation occurs, I can start taking preggo tests 7-9 days after and track any potential positive. I doubt we will get lucky and conceive this month, but I am excited for when we do get our BFP!! I will have a nice bunch of pee sticks showing the progressive appearance of that beautiful second line!

I know to most people, I will seem crazy and obsessive... Which I am. Its crazy how once we decided on when we would put the effort into having a second baby, all my thoughts are revolving around it. Even peeing on sticks seems to be the most exciting part of my day, regardless of what the results tell me. Im crazy and sick in the head, yes, but can you really blame me for wanting to heighten our chances and putting my heart into it 100%?

This has been quite an extensive journey thus far, and its only begun! Even though im driving myself insane with anxiety, I am thoroughly enjoying the ride and wouldnt trade it for anything else... The destination will be well worth it!

Locked, loaded and ready to go!

Just wanted to show proof that I am ready for this cycle!!! LOL!

14 preggo tests! Containing 10 pee strips, 3 first response, and 1 clear blue digital =)

25 ovulation test strips!

My first ever ovulation test! I'm only on CD 5 which is way early, but I decided to try one out this afternoon! I couldn't help myself!

Maaaaaaaaaybe I'm being a little obsessive... LOL! I cannot wait to pee on all of these sticks! I feel like an animal BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I also purchased a binder today so I can keep a physical log of all the ovulation tests/preggo tests I take on what days and the result... etc.... I am very excited! Hopefully I don't have to fill up the binder though before we get our BFP (big fat positive)!!

Adieu!

Anxiety building up!

I cannot believe how incredibly anxious I am for my ovulation now! It's crazy to think I got pregnant the first time around just by being careless and because we were younger/ignorant. It just kind of crept up on me! Now that we are older, married, stable, and all the other fun words you wanna add... time is DRAGGING! I've always wanted kids. If there's nothing else in life I am sure of, I DO know that ever since I was a young child I have always wanted to get married to a wonderful person and be a mom. That thought process has never changed or even partially altered throughout my life.

Landon may frustrate me, anger me, test me, defy me, and make me wish I could slam my head into a brick wall, he is the most amazing human being I have ever had the privilege of having in my life. What's more, just knowing that I created him and he is half of me just makes it even better! He's perfect in every way even with his flaws. He's so intelligent, creative, thoughtful, loving, spunky, spontaneous, exciting and completely adorable. If we would be able to create another little boy (or girl!) even HALF as wonderful as Landon is, we will be the luckiest parents in the whole world! It's been almost 4 years now that he's been alive, and about 4.5 years since we found out about his existence... and I still think it's too good to be true at times. I look at him sometimes and think, "My God, I cannot believe he is mine. He is too perfect for words." I don't know what I did in my life to deserve such an incredible child, but I thank the Good Lord above every day for him.

He's been asking if I have a baby belly yet or not. He is so excited at the thought of becoming a big brother someday and having a little baby around the house... of course, he doesn't entirely understand that it won't be the kind of baby where we play with him/her for a few hours and send the baby home to someone else's house... lol!! He is so gentle and affectionate with our friends' babies and I believe he is going to be such an awesome big brother!

I am so anxious to start taking my ovulation pee sticks and get that positive result! Then I can start taking pregnancy tests a good 7 or 8 days past ovulation, and pray that over time I will see a second line, and see it get darker every day! I know I shouldn't get myself all wound up over it, especially since we might not get our BFP for months... or heck, even years! I don't know... only God knows =) But darn it if I'm not going to track my cycles and try my darnedest to help our chances any way I can!

A quick rant(TMI!! JUST A WARNING!) : I will never understand...

...why they have scented tampons! Really?? How absurd can you be??

It's not like it really DOES keep things any "fresher" when it's scented... if anything it pisses me off more because I'm already bloated, crampy, emotional, and bleeding.. the last thing I want is to think I'm smelling flowers right before plugging up.... WTH!

Lord knows nobody in their right mind would be sticking their heads "down under" while you are on your first few cycle days either! I cannot stick my head down to smell the roses myself... so really, WHY are some tampons scented??

....It's just ridiculous. Gives flowers and springtime smells a bad image really.

Dumb.



....Aaaaaaand end rant.

Holy 45 day cycle, batman!

As previously stated, my cycles aren't the average 28-days... Usually between 32-35 days in length. That being said, I have not gone a whole calendar month without aunt flo showing her ghastly face since I was about 13 years old (except when I was preggers with Landon, of course). So naturally, when July came and went without any visitation from every woman's least favorite relative, my mind began to wander...

Sunday the 31st, I took a blue dye test against my better judgment. It ended up with me not looking at it until hours later only to find a super faint positive. I was wigging out... literally going out of my mind. I started out excited, then depressed, then finally apprehensive. I calmed down and realized I shouldn't celebrate until I took a pink dye test... like a First Response one.

This is the picture I took of the blue dye test that turned out positive later, and the "tweak" I did of it to see if I could see the line better after...

I didn't drink much water that night, and woke up first thing the 1st and took a pink dye test. Negative. Big. Fat. Negative. I felt like my lungs collapsed on themselves. I was so disappointed, to say the least. It turned out that "positive" second line on my blue dye was a false evaporation line which commonly happens on blue dye tests AFTER the time frame you are supposed to look at them(about ten minutes after results show up)... which is why I didn't want to take it.

Aunt Flo came pounding and hollering at my door around 3am yesterday morning... and boy was she merciless. Worst period pain I've had since high school! TMI, I'm sure... but luckily Landon was understanding with me (for whatever reason!) and let me have enough time to have the pain subside before he started making his 3-year-old demands. Such a sweetheart..... LOL!

Anyway, now that Aunt Flo is here, I am extremely happy to have a definite yes or no in regards to being pregnant so quickly. I ordered about a bazillion ovulation test strips and they should be here either Monday or Tuesday next week. I cannot wait to start taking them!!!

Here's hoping cycle #2 is extra promising and we get the big fat positive we are hoping for!!

It's the day past my expected start date..

And I STILL have yet to see my period. All tests were a BFN... I thought for sure Aunt Flow would have been here by now...

I am crazy bloated, achey, and extremely crabby. I just want my period to come and go so I can get back to feeling like my normal self! Oh and so we can OFFICIALLY TTC =) That would be fantastic.

Mother nature, hurry up and bring my monthly gift. Please and thank you! Im getting antsy and impatient. ^_^

I gave in

and took my preggo test today. Big fat negative.

I'm a bit depressed. But at the same time, my period has been very regular the last year or so and now it seems non-existent. I was having some severe cramping a few days ago... as if my period would start that day. As of Saturday, though, I've had ZERO cramping. I feel like my bloating has disappeared too. It's almost as if my period HAS come and gone because I feel completely normal again... except for the fact there was no actual menstration. I'm a little frustrated because my IUD had 0 hormones in it. It was basically a piece of copper that prevented sperm from meeting an egg. So once it was removed I assumed my period would stay the same, and all would be well.

I'm trying to not think about this whole thing... I figured if I stressed out about it, it would only delay it further. However, I haven't really been stressing over it at all.. thinking about it and stressing are two different things for sure. At this point, I highly doubt there's any chance we conceived this month. If we had, a preggo test should have picked up on it by now. I'm saddened a bit, but mostly I just want my dang period to start so we can get back to figuring out ovulation and give it another try next month =)

In the back of my mind, my inner most fears are screaming ridiculous things like "what if when the IUD got stuck coming out, it tore something and now you will be infertile for the rest of your life?" or something happened to me since I had Landon and now my eggs are no good anymore.... I don't know. I've done my best to keep that part contained and quiet in my mind. I also think it's natural to have crazy fears when your body suddenly starts changing it's habits.

Maybe it's just God interfering because something will happen in our lives soon and he doesn't think it's a good time for a baby for us. I don't know. Maybe I should listen a little closer....

My friend from the school days just found she and her hubby are pregnant again! Their son will be just over 2 years old when this next baby is born... I am so excited for them. I just hope we can be in the same boat soon!

I'm gonna buy some more preggo tests friday when we get paid. I'm not nearly as anxious anymore to take them since the one I just took was a BFN, without any shadow of a doubt. But at least if my period doesn't start by the end of this month, I will have one to double check. If it's still negative and I have no more signs of my Aunt Flow coming on, I will be heading to my Dr... just to make sure everything is functioning.

I'm done complaining for now. I'm going to go focus on good things in my life for a while... like my amazing little boy who does nothing but make my smile and give my life a purpose =)

To test or not to test...

...that is the question!!

I recalculated my periods... I randomly remembered my April period, and with that my Mays period info came flooding back to my mind. So essentially, my period is to start on the 26/27 this month. So the other two tests I did a week or so ago when I thought I was gonna start on the 18th were done in vain... Sooo that being said, I have one more test before payday I can take. My period is supposed to start wednesday... I would really like to take it now though, and I keep having to talk myself out of it.

I dont want to waste ANOTHER preggo test if I can help it. Im not sure how I would feel if it came back positive though. Ive planned for this month to be negative and now all of a sudden I really COULD get a positive this month... Its exciting and terrifying at the same time. I feel like I would be dumbfounded if it were positive, but depressed if it were negative.

I told myself last night (while debating if I would take it in the morning or not) I would wait until the 27th to take it. Then when I got to work today, I convinced myself to take it Monday morning after taking Alex to work... Now that its almost 8 hours later, Im debating whether I should take it tomorrow morning or not... Three days away from my potential period .... I should hope it would be accurate by then! My fear is that it will be a failed attempt, something will go wrong with the test and I will be left high and dry till payday or whenever my period starts (at least I would have my answer then!)

I just dont know.... Nobody really knows we are trying now, except for a select few people, so we cant really ask others what think I should do...

Oh well. I know in my gut it's negative...

It feels like...

...mother nature is toying with me. I knew full well that this month was not going to be the month we conceive. I knew I had ovulated before we got my IUD removed. However, I was keeping track of my ovulation and my periods via an app on my phone. Last month I updated my OS on my phone which wiped out all the info I had tracked my period with. I had been tracking it since January and had everything set up so the dates it showed me for ovulation and period start days never skipped a beat. When I got my IUD removed, I only had Junes info put in my phone. May was such a hectic month and I cannot for the life of me remember when my period was. Goodness knows about April... Long story short, this "cycle" was based on an average 28-day cycle. My cycles aren't irregular, but they are DEFINITELY not 28 days short!

This got me thinking... My period was scheduled to start the 18th. It hasn't come yet, and its the 21st. I took a pregnancy test, knowing I had gotten my ovulation wrong this month. Of course it turned out to be negative. Ive had no cramping like I do before it starts, and so I was thinking maybe I took a pregnancy test too soon.

Either way, I would love it if my period would start so I could get my charting back on track, or if I could get a positive test, EVEN BETTER! I hate the waiting game... I'm not a very patient person =)

If my baby dust didn't stick this month, I'm considering taking some OPK's just to ensure our chances next month. I would LOVE to tell my family in person in September (when I go visit) if I'm preggers by then! I'm starting to have my doubts... Just gotta keep on praying and hope the Lord has it in the cards for us =)

On another note, Alex has really been impressing me when it cones to this whole baby situation. I knew having a second was something he wants, but I thought for sure he would have a slight resistance as he often does to changes in life. Hes really stepped up though and has his heart 100% into it as much as I do. I'm not just talking about the "baby dancing" part of it... Obviously that's going to be a high point for both of us, hahahaha!! He has shown genuine interest in the whole process, and hes opened up about several different conversations we have had. Hes become such an emotionally stable husband because Lord knows Ive had some mixed feelings since we got this IUD removed. Hes been noyhing but encouraging, supportive and loving. Even if it takes us a long time to conceive, I am enjoying the way hes been melting my heart and acting in a way I never dreamed he would... Its wonderful. Hes amazing and I am so happy I made such a wonderful choice in a hubby =) I am so blessed!

Something else I'm excited about!

So the first time I got pregnant, everybody knows it was a surprise and at a very inconvenient time of life, to say the least. We were blessed with a place to live and we both had jobs, but ultimately I felt cheated. Everybody had such wonderful memories and circumstances during their pregnancies. With Landon, I had just moved away from my family and friends and didn't know many people and was depressed often and felt lonely. I told Alex about the pregnancy accidentally and didn't get to tell him in a way that would have been memorable and wonderful. We did not have air conditioning and I was used to dry summers... not these humid summer Missouri has to offer. I had morning sickness 7 out of 9 months of my pregnancy, and vomited at LEAST 3 times a day. I fell down the stairs at around 20 weeks and broke my tailbone. I had no idea all the emotions and such that went into being pregnant, plus Alex and my's living-together relationship was brand new and we had to get used to each other. I got chigger bites all over my legs and arms. At 28 weeks I was hospitalized for a kidney infection. Overall, there was nothing wrong with my pregnancy, but I was so miserable the whole time that I failed to pay attention and take in all the wonderful things happening.

Things are different this time around. I wanted them to be completely opposite of what happened with Landon. I love my son to death and he's amazing. We wouldn't trade his craziness for anything. But I have to be honest... I am excited about us knowing full well we intend on conceiving. I am excited to think of a creative way to inform my darling hubby of our wonderful news once I get a positive test result. I'm excited to tell our families and friends in an exciting way as well. I'm excited to know we have our own home now and pay our own bills and can fully accommodate another child. I enjoy and take comfort in knowing we KNOW what we are getting into this time around.... the emotions that may or may not be present; I am ready for morning sickness and know how to handle it better; I have friends and a full life established in the state of Missouri now so I feel like I have a wonderful support group, as well as my friends and family back in California. We aren't diving into things blindly. The only things we DON'T know about this next child are the obvious (features, gender, personality, etc) and we will have to adjust our lives to having two children instead of one. That might be an interesting thing to play out.... but it's all part of life. If other people can do it, there's no reason we cannot.

Overall, I am already thrilled with the whole idea! I am praying there are no complications or hardships along the way. As many know, there's been way too much downside in our lives recently and I am hoping for some kind of good news to spring up out of all of this turmoil.

I'm not sure when I will post next... or what it will be about. But hopefully time goes quickly so we can get this show on the road!! =) Until next time everybody!!

The basic get-to-know-what's-going-on post!

While I'm fairly certain it will just be my family and/or friends reading this blog, let me just begin by saying my name is Becky Thurmer. I have a wonderful hubby named Alex, and we have a beautiful 3 1/2 year old boy named Landon together. They are my whole world and while our life has not been a picture-perfect, everyday suburban American family life, I would never trade what I have for anything in the world.

That being said, this blog is going to be specifically directed at my little family and our journey to growing together. We are very excited to FINALLY (after 3 and a half years) be ready and try for a second blessing, and possibly complete our family.

I am going to log all of my thoughts, feelings, emotions, and anything else I feel like putting into this blog that has to do with our conceiving another baby, being pregnant, and probably well beyond birth =) Sorry this post is boring and not full of information... I am very anxious to start this blog, but at the same time I have nothing to report so I had to force myself to write this post.

Something that I CAN report in this post (other than the obvious opening stuff) is that I went two days ago and got my IUD removed by my gyno. However, I will not have any kind of news to report until at LEAST late next month as I ovulated on the 4th of July so there are VERY SLIM chances that we can conceive this month. I will be keeping this blog hushed from my family and friends until we have some POSITIVE news and have told them all =) Until then, I will update this blog as I see fit and pray for the best =)

Wish us luck and baby dust!!