Thursday, July 28, 2011

It's the day past my expected start date..

And I STILL have yet to see my period. All tests were a BFN... I thought for sure Aunt Flow would have been here by now...

I am crazy bloated, achey, and extremely crabby. I just want my period to come and go so I can get back to feeling like my normal self! Oh and so we can OFFICIALLY TTC =) That would be fantastic.

Mother nature, hurry up and bring my monthly gift. Please and thank you! Im getting antsy and impatient. ^_^

Monday, July 25, 2011

I gave in

and took my preggo test today. Big fat negative.

I'm a bit depressed. But at the same time, my period has been very regular the last year or so and now it seems non-existent. I was having some severe cramping a few days ago... as if my period would start that day. As of Saturday, though, I've had ZERO cramping. I feel like my bloating has disappeared too. It's almost as if my period HAS come and gone because I feel completely normal again... except for the fact there was no actual menstration. I'm a little frustrated because my IUD had 0 hormones in it. It was basically a piece of copper that prevented sperm from meeting an egg. So once it was removed I assumed my period would stay the same, and all would be well.

I'm trying to not think about this whole thing... I figured if I stressed out about it, it would only delay it further. However, I haven't really been stressing over it at all.. thinking about it and stressing are two different things for sure. At this point, I highly doubt there's any chance we conceived this month. If we had, a preggo test should have picked up on it by now. I'm saddened a bit, but mostly I just want my dang period to start so we can get back to figuring out ovulation and give it another try next month =)

In the back of my mind, my inner most fears are screaming ridiculous things like "what if when the IUD got stuck coming out, it tore something and now you will be infertile for the rest of your life?" or something happened to me since I had Landon and now my eggs are no good anymore.... I don't know. I've done my best to keep that part contained and quiet in my mind. I also think it's natural to have crazy fears when your body suddenly starts changing it's habits.

Maybe it's just God interfering because something will happen in our lives soon and he doesn't think it's a good time for a baby for us. I don't know. Maybe I should listen a little closer....

My friend from the school days just found she and her hubby are pregnant again! Their son will be just over 2 years old when this next baby is born... I am so excited for them. I just hope we can be in the same boat soon!

I'm gonna buy some more preggo tests friday when we get paid. I'm not nearly as anxious anymore to take them since the one I just took was a BFN, without any shadow of a doubt. But at least if my period doesn't start by the end of this month, I will have one to double check. If it's still negative and I have no more signs of my Aunt Flow coming on, I will be heading to my Dr... just to make sure everything is functioning.

I'm done complaining for now. I'm going to go focus on good things in my life for a while... like my amazing little boy who does nothing but make my smile and give my life a purpose =)

Saturday, July 23, 2011

To test or not to test...

...that is the question!!

I recalculated my periods... I randomly remembered my April period, and with that my Mays period info came flooding back to my mind. So essentially, my period is to start on the 26/27 this month. So the other two tests I did a week or so ago when I thought I was gonna start on the 18th were done in vain... Sooo that being said, I have one more test before payday I can take. My period is supposed to start wednesday... I would really like to take it now though, and I keep having to talk myself out of it.

I dont want to waste ANOTHER preggo test if I can help it. Im not sure how I would feel if it came back positive though. Ive planned for this month to be negative and now all of a sudden I really COULD get a positive this month... Its exciting and terrifying at the same time. I feel like I would be dumbfounded if it were positive, but depressed if it were negative.

I told myself last night (while debating if I would take it in the morning or not) I would wait until the 27th to take it. Then when I got to work today, I convinced myself to take it Monday morning after taking Alex to work... Now that its almost 8 hours later, Im debating whether I should take it tomorrow morning or not... Three days away from my potential period .... I should hope it would be accurate by then! My fear is that it will be a failed attempt, something will go wrong with the test and I will be left high and dry till payday or whenever my period starts (at least I would have my answer then!)

I just dont know.... Nobody really knows we are trying now, except for a select few people, so we cant really ask others what think I should do...

Oh well. I know in my gut it's negative...

Thursday, July 21, 2011

It feels like...

...mother nature is toying with me. I knew full well that this month was not going to be the month we conceive. I knew I had ovulated before we got my IUD removed. However, I was keeping track of my ovulation and my periods via an app on my phone. Last month I updated my OS on my phone which wiped out all the info I had tracked my period with. I had been tracking it since January and had everything set up so the dates it showed me for ovulation and period start days never skipped a beat. When I got my IUD removed, I only had Junes info put in my phone. May was such a hectic month and I cannot for the life of me remember when my period was. Goodness knows about April... Long story short, this "cycle" was based on an average 28-day cycle. My cycles aren't irregular, but they are DEFINITELY not 28 days short!

This got me thinking... My period was scheduled to start the 18th. It hasn't come yet, and its the 21st. I took a pregnancy test, knowing I had gotten my ovulation wrong this month. Of course it turned out to be negative. Ive had no cramping like I do before it starts, and so I was thinking maybe I took a pregnancy test too soon.

Either way, I would love it if my period would start so I could get my charting back on track, or if I could get a positive test, EVEN BETTER! I hate the waiting game... I'm not a very patient person =)

If my baby dust didn't stick this month, I'm considering taking some OPK's just to ensure our chances next month. I would LOVE to tell my family in person in September (when I go visit) if I'm preggers by then! I'm starting to have my doubts... Just gotta keep on praying and hope the Lord has it in the cards for us =)

On another note, Alex has really been impressing me when it cones to this whole baby situation. I knew having a second was something he wants, but I thought for sure he would have a slight resistance as he often does to changes in life. Hes really stepped up though and has his heart 100% into it as much as I do. I'm not just talking about the "baby dancing" part of it... Obviously that's going to be a high point for both of us, hahahaha!! He has shown genuine interest in the whole process, and hes opened up about several different conversations we have had. Hes become such an emotionally stable husband because Lord knows Ive had some mixed feelings since we got this IUD removed. Hes been noyhing but encouraging, supportive and loving. Even if it takes us a long time to conceive, I am enjoying the way hes been melting my heart and acting in a way I never dreamed he would... Its wonderful. Hes amazing and I am so happy I made such a wonderful choice in a hubby =) I am so blessed!

Friday, July 8, 2011

Something else I'm excited about!

So the first time I got pregnant, everybody knows it was a surprise and at a very inconvenient time of life, to say the least. We were blessed with a place to live and we both had jobs, but ultimately I felt cheated. Everybody had such wonderful memories and circumstances during their pregnancies. With Landon, I had just moved away from my family and friends and didn't know many people and was depressed often and felt lonely. I told Alex about the pregnancy accidentally and didn't get to tell him in a way that would have been memorable and wonderful. We did not have air conditioning and I was used to dry summers... not these humid summer Missouri has to offer. I had morning sickness 7 out of 9 months of my pregnancy, and vomited at LEAST 3 times a day. I fell down the stairs at around 20 weeks and broke my tailbone. I had no idea all the emotions and such that went into being pregnant, plus Alex and my's living-together relationship was brand new and we had to get used to each other. I got chigger bites all over my legs and arms. At 28 weeks I was hospitalized for a kidney infection. Overall, there was nothing wrong with my pregnancy, but I was so miserable the whole time that I failed to pay attention and take in all the wonderful things happening.

Things are different this time around. I wanted them to be completely opposite of what happened with Landon. I love my son to death and he's amazing. We wouldn't trade his craziness for anything. But I have to be honest... I am excited about us knowing full well we intend on conceiving. I am excited to think of a creative way to inform my darling hubby of our wonderful news once I get a positive test result. I'm excited to tell our families and friends in an exciting way as well. I'm excited to know we have our own home now and pay our own bills and can fully accommodate another child. I enjoy and take comfort in knowing we KNOW what we are getting into this time around.... the emotions that may or may not be present; I am ready for morning sickness and know how to handle it better; I have friends and a full life established in the state of Missouri now so I feel like I have a wonderful support group, as well as my friends and family back in California. We aren't diving into things blindly. The only things we DON'T know about this next child are the obvious (features, gender, personality, etc) and we will have to adjust our lives to having two children instead of one. That might be an interesting thing to play out.... but it's all part of life. If other people can do it, there's no reason we cannot.

Overall, I am already thrilled with the whole idea! I am praying there are no complications or hardships along the way. As many know, there's been way too much downside in our lives recently and I am hoping for some kind of good news to spring up out of all of this turmoil.

I'm not sure when I will post next... or what it will be about. But hopefully time goes quickly so we can get this show on the road!! =) Until next time everybody!!

The basic get-to-know-what's-going-on post!

While I'm fairly certain it will just be my family and/or friends reading this blog, let me just begin by saying my name is Becky Thurmer. I have a wonderful hubby named Alex, and we have a beautiful 3 1/2 year old boy named Landon together. They are my whole world and while our life has not been a picture-perfect, everyday suburban American family life, I would never trade what I have for anything in the world.

That being said, this blog is going to be specifically directed at my little family and our journey to growing together. We are very excited to FINALLY (after 3 and a half years) be ready and try for a second blessing, and possibly complete our family.

I am going to log all of my thoughts, feelings, emotions, and anything else I feel like putting into this blog that has to do with our conceiving another baby, being pregnant, and probably well beyond birth =) Sorry this post is boring and not full of information... I am very anxious to start this blog, but at the same time I have nothing to report so I had to force myself to write this post.

Something that I CAN report in this post (other than the obvious opening stuff) is that I went two days ago and got my IUD removed by my gyno. However, I will not have any kind of news to report until at LEAST late next month as I ovulated on the 4th of July so there are VERY SLIM chances that we can conceive this month. I will be keeping this blog hushed from my family and friends until we have some POSITIVE news and have told them all =) Until then, I will update this blog as I see fit and pray for the best =)

Wish us luck and baby dust!!