"O" Wow!!... literally

Today I am cycle day 22.

On Sept 25, I took the last OPK I had in my posession (although I ordered more the 22nd of Sept)... The test was negative (of course, since it was only cycle day 18). However, it was dark enough to make me think my Ovulation was right around the corner. I was under the impression my tests would come in Monday the 26, but instead they didnt arrive until yesterday (wed Sept 28th, cd22).

I took one immediately upon receipt (around 1:20pm) and it wasn't as dark as cycle day 18, but pretty close. The only time the second line on my OPK's gets dark is when I'm right about to O, or right after I have. I thought perhaps I was still waiting to ovulate so I decided to take another that night (6:45 I think). There was no denying this one... Significantly lighter line. I continued to test between late last night and later this afternoon... ALL four of them were 100% negative; hardly a second line to be seen. So after thinking it through some, comparing the tests I took this cycle to last cycles tests, and asking a few others their opinions, I have come to this conclusion: I O'd either CD19 or CD20.

Here is my log I've kept this cycle... I've taken more than this, but these are the ones I kept in my log since they seemed to be the only ones that really mattered when figuring out my ovulation peak:

Pretty early for me, but I was relieved to realize that a few days of my new two week wait had already come and gone without me knowing fully! We baby danced a sufficient amount before/during my ovulation... So if there's a little eggie to catch, we should have a good chance.

Its odd to say, but I was hoping for a BFN this cycle... We have my brother moving in with us soon, Xmas and Landon's b-day are just around the corner, and I'm starting to rethink our money situation.. I think Alex is nervous too but is afraid to hurt my feelings and ask if we can stop TTC for a few months. If we do not get a positive this cycle, I think we will put our TTC journey on hold for a bit... At least until life gets sorted out more. I have this feeling in my gut (again) that we didn't catch it this time around...

I will begin testing around Oct 4th-ish. Not 100% sure when I will finally cave and start testing though to be honest... sometime next week. I have 7 preggo lab strips to use, my last First Response, and my last Clear Blue Digital test.

(This is all I ordered this cycle... I still have my 2 strips for preggo tests from last cycle, and then my two store-bought ones mentioned above. This cycle, I saw they offered more sensitive pregnancy test strips on the website for about the same as the traditional ones, so I bought those bad boys instead!)

Fingers crossed, but I will not hold my breath that it's this cycle. Stay tuned and find out!

I almost feel cheated

I have a 36 day cycle. The average woman has a 28 day cycle. Its not a bad thing, especially since my cycles are typically like clockwork. I usually ovulate on cycle day 22-24. There are some women who have these ridiculous 20-25 day cycles though. So that means by the time they have finished their full cycle and moved on to their next, Im still stuck waiting to just ovulate. Finally, when aunt flow arrives, they are already stuck in their two week wait, waiting for a positive pregnancy test or aunt flow for their NEXT cycle. Its just kind of depressing and theres nothing I can do to "control" it. I can only just not stress out in hopes of not delaying my monthly gift. I know I shouldnt let it get to me too much... Im just in a mood today. I should count my blessings: at least I am regular, even if I take a bit longer. At least I actually ovulate right on track. At least I already have a wonderful, brilliant little boy of my own. He makes it all bearable for many reasons.... First, is that I know I akm fully capable of having a baby. There are many people who cant get pregnant, or carry a baby to a term where the baby would survive... I have experienced all of the wonderful ups and downs that go along with a healthy pregnancy up until having an almost-4-year-old. I am blessed, 100%. But I still cant help feeling selfish and wanting more babies...

I am very blessed =)

I've been on several different trying to conceive/motherhood forums recently and have read many interesting things... Landon has been giving us a hard time when it comes to going to sleep at night recently, so I thought I would read around and post a couple questions just to see what I could find. Naturally, everything people had to say was all stuff we have done/tried with Landon. It's gotten better... he's just somehow obtaining more and more energy every single day that we need to figure out how to burn off before bedtime... Which is completely fine and is exactly what a healthy 3-almost-4 year-old should have happen =)

I did, however, run across a random post of somebody about how she has a stepson and she and her husband get him every other weekend. This boy was having problems in school with his behavior (hes in the first grade, mind you) and I guess the mother of this child is not keen on discipline. She wrote and said that she and her hubby (the child's father) are expecting their first child together in December. While at babies r us the other day, the lady asked the boy an opinion on an outfit she was going to get for his soon-to-be sister, and his response was "How does she like this?" and punched her in the stomach! The father of this boy tried to convince his wife that he didn't know what he was doing.... umm, whatever.

Anyway, it got me thinking about how incredibly blessed I am to have had such a wonderful, nurturing, and overall compassionate upbringing and it's reflected again in my part of the new generation I created. Landon is such a loving child... a little rambunctious at times, but he cares deeply about others, knows the difference between right and wrong, and is a wonderfully well-behaved little boy for his age. Again, he has his off days, as does every imperfect human being... but he is such a wonderful person and I couldn't be more proud to be his mother. I am proud to know I have given him such a solid, steady foundation for his life emotionally. He knows he's loved 100% and beyond; he knows that you need to treat others the way you want to be treated.

There isn't much I can do about other kids' upbringings, but my heart does bleed for those families who cannot stand one another and have nothing in their hearts but anguish and pain because that is all they know. It's a vicious circle that they will likely never break free from... but my kids, my kids kids and so on will all know what it is to be loved unconditionally, to have compassion, to know the goodness of giving over receiving... I am so lucky to have had the childhood I did, the parents and family I did, the morals I did... I am incredibly blessed and could not ask for a better life <3

Ohh poo...

My monthly gift came yesterday... luckily though it wasn't crazy late or holding out on me like it has so many times before. Kind of a blessing to have it come the day it was meant to really!

I thought I had gotten a positive test for sure (faint, but positive)... obviously it was negative and my eyes were playing tricks on me. I was a bit bummed out, honestly... but it's ok! The majority of people do not conceive on their first official cycle =) I am keeping my chin up and looking forward to this cycle!! Today is CD2, and I'm expected to ovulate in 3 weeks. I will not be doing the absurd testing rounds again this cycle... mostly because I don't want to waste the money. I have 5 preggo tests left (3 IC's, 1 FRER and 1 CB Digi) so at least when the time comes to try testing again I will have enough to get me by.

I am on vacation until the 12th of this month and have been enjoying my friends and family. It's sooooo nice to get away and come back to where I grew up and see everybody... Things have changed so much, but it's still nice to be home! I miss Alex though and I know Landon misses Alex... Can't wait to see him in a few days!!

I will update in a little while I suppose.. if I feel the need to write anything lol!

8dpo and I think I see a disturbance!!

I am 8dpo and yes... *siiiigh*.... I ended up testing yesterday and today. Yesterdays test yielded absolutely nothing. But todays test showed a little *something* on it. As it dried, it got a bit darker. I think Im just having some serious line-o-vision though... Who knows.

The only thing giving me hope is a girl on my forum yesterday was 8dpo and posted almost identical pee sticks..and today at 9dpo she got her BFP!!! I can only pray we will be just as lucky!

Still not saying anything to anyone (Alex included) until I get a positive on my First Response brand tests, or my digital test that says "pregnant" or "not pregnant".

Here is the girls pee sticks from my forum at 8dpo:

Here's my 8dpo pee stick:

Here is the same girl's pee sticks from 9dpo:

There is absolutely NO denying the First Response one, definitely!! I have my fingers crossed that I get a first response just like this one (if not darker!!) in the next few days!! *praying praying praying*....