Still here, still pregnant... and miserable. Miserable because my body cannot handle this much longer (and yes, I know it won't have to... ALL babies are born EVENTUALLY), and miserable because I just want Caius here already. I'm tired of waiting, & I know Alex and Landon are both extremely anxious. It's very difficult to explain to a four year old who has little grasp on the aspect of time that his brother has no specific set "date" for when he's coming, it's just whenever he feels like it... that explanation does not compute in his ever-expanding head full of knowledge.
I also enjoy getting texts and calls from friends/family asking how I am doing every day, but I always feel so guilty to not have any kind of exciting news to share with them... I know it's not true, but it just feels like I let EVERYBODY down on a daily basis when he's not here =( I still have hope that he will be a few days early, but I think I'm done guessing an actual date.
By the time bedtime rolls around every night, I have steady contractions and pains and part of my mucus plug comes out every night.... and I go to bed thinking "I need to sleep if this is early labor, and maybe I will be woken up in full-blown labor in the middle of the night." .................Nope. My body pretty much resets itself when I'm sleeping. I wake up feeling fine. Every day I feel a little bit different than the days before which always makes me think, "Maybe today will be the day." Nope. I'm just crazy I think.
On a daily basis, I feel like a walking time bomb. Everybody is on edge around me and ready to jump when the time comes, which is great to know we are surrounded by so many helpful and willing people. But unfortunately, unless my water breaks or I have a giant amount of bloody mucus plug come out (gross, I know) there's really no reason people should think I am going to immediately go into intense active labor right away, lol. There are days where I believe my water WILL break actually.... I feel like an overly-filled water balloon and when I walk during this time, I expect to feel a "pop" and get soaking wet. Don't get me wrong: it leaks at least once a day, but nothing noteworthy.
Aside from all of the "fun" uncertainty of every day, I am very happy to announce that I am officially done with work until November! That, above all things, has made me SOOOOO happy and relaxed. The stresses of work and being a whale were really NOT a good combination to have in my life. We were able to figure out a way to afford me being on leave longer, so I decided to take the opportunity and take advantage of it. Time is all mine now (mind and Landon's, rather...) until Caius gets here. It's such a nice feeling....
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