Final thoughts

So, it is the night before my induction.. getting induced in 9 hours. I will be getting up and getting ready in 7 hours. It has ALL boiled down to tomorrow.... I can't believe it!

I feel like I'm in complete denial. I know it's typical to have stresses and concerns and anxiousness and butterflies in your stomach.... I know my labor will only last until he's born and it will all be worth it and pretty soon these days will all just be a "thing of the past"... but I am having a hard time convincing myself that by this time tomorrow, Caius will MORE than likely be with us. It's crazy to say out loud...

Landon is at Alex's mom's house for the night (possibly two nights... not sure entirely how that's all going to go down..) and he is thrilled to be seeing his brother next time he sees Alex and I.

I spent the whole day with Landon and enjoyed every little minute I possibly could! It's bittersweet to think that I will never have this kind of undivided attention to give him again. That is quite possibly the most emotional part of this whole ordeal for me... he will be a great big brother and I know he will adjust to Caius being around and sharing his attention, but I can't help but feel a sense of guilt. He's been the one-and-only "baby" for the last almost-five years, and tomorrow that will all be ripped away from him. It's a whole new chapter in life for all of us, but I still feel slightly "off" about it....

I know I will miss being pregnant shortly after having Caius for many reasons, but that is another emotion I am battling with right now. I am SO uncomfortable and SO ready to have my body back! I will never be this close with Caius again though. He will be his own independent little guy from here on out and he will grow and blossom like Landon has and continues to do so. Again, it's all so bittersweet....

I'm excited and anxious to get tomorrow's show on the road, but at the same time, it now feels like time is doing nothing but playing in fast-forward. I want to enjoy these last few hours of being pregnant and being so connected with Caius, and they feel like they are being ripped away from me. Today has been a blur of running around and completing some final errands before tomorrow, but I am so thankful I took the time to be with Landon and have as much one-on-one time as I could squeeze out of the day.

This whole post is a random rambling mess, but I really don't care at this point. I'm emotional in so many ways and have no idea how to express them except through tears at the moment: tears of joy, tears of fear, tears of anxiety and guilt, tears of excitement.... I am a big ball of absurd amounts of emotion! I just wanted to take an extra few minutes before I head off to bed to jot down all of these things so I can reflect on them somewhere down the road... sentimental value plays such an important role in my life <3

So my next blog entry will be pictures of Caius and updates on how everything went down! I pray God gives me the strength and stamina to make it through tomorrow's labor and delivery of my second, LONG-awaited precious little miracle.