Stumbling around in the dark

Now that I am HERE (pregnant) I feel as though it's completely new to me. Memories from the nitty-gritty bits of my pregnancy with Landon are pretty much blacked out in my mind: He is here now, healthy, and happy and that's all that really matters to me.

But I cannot for the life of me remember what "early pregnancy" might have been like with him. For one thing, I didn't find out until I was about 6-7 weeks along with him... All I remember was being so unbelievably tired a few memorable times before I took got my positive pregnancy test. I also remember thinking I couldn't be pregnant because I had felt some cramping a week or two before taking the test, indicating that my period was likely on it's way.

As of now, I am cramping off and on during the day on any given day. The more water I drink, the less they are there. I haven't had any kind of "discharge" or bleeding or other indications to let me know something MIGHT be wrong. I've never had a miscarriage before... but for some odd reason, I can't shake the fear that this baby might not be our take-home baby. I promised to be relaxed and take it easy... but to be honest I am worried out of my mind.

I'm not experiencing symptoms really... just mild cramping off and on, increased appetite, and I get tired easier. That's it. (Well, I have frequent urination but that's because of the increased amounts of water I have been drinking on a daily basis.) So it's really hard to gauge if everything is "alright". I've still been taking some internet cheapie tests off and on and they seem to be getting darker... except for today. This morning's test was a LITTLE bit lighter than yesterday nights test, but I am trying to tell myself it's because I didn't drink much water yesterday and last night I started cramping so I drank more, thus diluting my "sample" this morning and not giving me as strong a line.

I already called and made a Doctor appointment. My first O/B appt is February 1 at 9am! I have NO clue what to except. I have REAL insurance this time around so I KNOW they can perform more than the "manditory" 2 ultrasounds during this pregnancy. They go by my last period though initially until an u/s gives them a better idea of where I'm at... so they would put me at September 17th as my due date instead of September 30. I'm hoping they will be doing an ultrasound at the first appointment, but I fear since I will be so early (contrary to my last period vs. my supposed ovulation) that there won't be anything to see yet.

I also fear that I will miscarry before then and won't get to do any of this. I am very nervous about everything. I am praying for peace of mind and trying to calm myself.... but we will see what comes about over the next few weeks. Fingers crossed that everything is alright and my little Sprout is just snuggling in for the next 8 months!