....and is it really so much to ask to have a baby?
My old general manager of my store had struggled with infertility for about ten years (thats what I'm told). She and her hubby were finally blessed with a little girl this year in July. I met her once or twice, saw dozens of pictures, heard all the birth stories....
Last week, her daughter died from SIDS.
I cant even begin to feel and know the pain Nicole and Travis have felt... All of that hard work and persistence to get pregnant and maintain the pregnancy to full-term, have a gorgeous, HEALTHY baby girl, love her completely and fully for nearly four months, and then lose her so quickly and tragically and not have anybody or anything to at least put blame on except fate... it's heart-wrenching and horrible to have to live through something so awful.
Is it really so wrong to want to have a family? To have a baby?? I can't even comprehend what they must be feeling... I would say it's worse than a miscarriage because you FINALLY got the miracle you were hoping for and bonded... felt like a normal, happy family... then to have it snatched out from under your hands so quickly and effortlessly seems like such a horrible trick. I know there's no point in blaming God for it... even when things are at their lowest, He is still good.
But you still have to stop and wonder sometimes about the WHY it happened... it's pointless in the end, but I let my brain get the better of me sometimes and I hope I'm forgiven for it.
Now, I haven't had a miscarriage or been diagnosed with some awful, life-altering news AT ALL... but really, I just wonder sometimes... WHY is it so hard for some people to accomplish having a baby? It's supposed to be a (mostly) simple part of life that changes things forever but in the most blessed of ways... I don't know. It's got me quite depressed.
Four months and four cycles later we are still unprotected and praying for a miracle. I trust in Him to know what is best for our family and when the right time will be to add another little one into our lives. I am only human though with desires so intense it's painful sometimes. I WANT another baby... I don't care if it's a boy or girl. I want another beautiful, intelligent, loving, amazing little person to call my own. I want to expand my family and make my husband beam from ear to ear when I tell him the news. I want my son to have at least one sibling and hopefully have the kind of bond my siblings and I share...
It will happen when it's meant to happen. And quite frankly, I shouldn't be complaining because I KNOW there are a billions of people in the world that will never have a single child of their own in their lifetimes, and I have already been blessed with one incredible little boy. But days like today, I just ache from the inside, out... wanting another child to love and cherish.
One more time... is it really so much to ask?
RIP sweet angel baby girl... I know you are in a better place, but I pray your parents find some kind of peace with it someday.
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