I found out tonight that one of my co-workers is pregnant. She is already 8ish weeks along and she came out tonight on FB. She is happy and excited as it will be her first baby.
Her boyfriend also just got put in jail because he beat the crap out of her. She had to get stitches on her forehead because of it. She still seems to think that it will all work out between them and they will have their happy little family. I strongly believe that people are capable of change, but I do NOT believe that a baby will make things better in a bad situation. Why do people get with and stay with people who hit them?? It will never make sense to me!
Alex and I get angry at each other, say things we don't mean, and have arguments over silly/serious things... but we would NEVER physically hurt each other. Ever. Period. One of us always apologizes to the other if things get said that we can't take back.... we love each other unconditionally, like a married and loving couple should. We forgive each other and see the flaws in one another. We work out our problems and come to a conclusion together. Sometimes our arguments linger for a few days, week, months... etc.... some things feel like they will never fully heal. But when it comes right down to it, I love him. He loves me. We are only human and we both make mistakes, big and small. He is perfectly imperfect to me. He told me he couldn't dream of ever being with somebody more faithful and loving.
No matter how it might look to others, we love each other. We would never physically hurt each other. End of story.
There are so many people who cannot have a baby who are in such loving, faithful, and amazing relationships. It's not my job to question God's plan that He has for each individual person, but sometimes I let my mind get the better of me and wonder why He gives healthy babies to people who are so unstable emotionally in themselves, their partners, and their lives... what a terrible life to raise a child in.
And to top it all off, I feel the pang of jealousy... a stab to my heart.
I hate it.
We are trying to conceive another child... we want another beautiful blessing from God. I know it is just a matter of time before it happens... but it almost knocked the wind out of me to see this girls ultrasound picture on her wall and her "excitement".
We want this second baby so badly. What I DON'T want is this jealousy and anger to linger until I get our positive pregnancy test... I feel like a terrible person tonight.
No comments:
Post a Comment